When the Timeline feature first came out on Facebook and I realized that anyone could see every post I’d ever written, I spent several days in early 2012 systematically deleting all the ones that made me look stupid. In the process, I found lots of posts about my students. So here they are, on Teacher Appreciation Day, all in one place, for your enjoyment.
Student: If you like a boy, you should bring him a plate of gelatin.
Alumnus: You’re my inspiration and my role model.
Student: Ms. W_____, I just have to say, I love your outfits.
Student: that’s your phone?
Student: …you need a upgrade on yo phone.
Student: Miss, you should get surgery so your eyes will pop more.
Another Teacher: You look so cute today! You look like Sandy at the end of Grease!
On the day I didn’t wear eyeliner…
Student: Miss, what’s wrong with you? Are you sick? Are you tired? You look like you’re dying.
Student, via a text message around midnight: Have you seen Something Borrowed? You remind me of that girl in it.
DJ at Prom, while playing Boot Scootin Boogie: Come on, gringas!
Students: You do yoga! That is so funny! Does your teacher call you by your first name or your last name? What is your yoga name?
Student: Miss, you have a big ass pimple!
Student: I need to go to the restroom because my arm hurts.
Student, in reference to a Shakespeare activity: I think we’re having fun with this!
Random woman at school, after calling me out of my classroom: Miss, are you single or married?
Student’s example of a simile: bossy like Ms. W_____
Student: You don’t go to the club, miss?
Student: Well what do you DO?
Test response: Holden is in a rehab hospital for his brain.
Test response: Holden is talking to a scientologist at the beginning of the book.
A student was trying to figure out the word fruitful. He decided it was like fresh, because fruit is fresh. Therefore, fruitful is the same as cool. Okay.
Short essay response: “When I was in 9th grade I was so lazy that I did not do my homework and any time or work and I was almost failing all my classes but then one teacher named Ms. W_____ she pushed me around alot to do all my work and my homeowrk so I think that Sedaris’ teacher is almost the same as Ms. W_____ and I also think that she is a good teacher. If I rated those 2 teachers I will give them 10 stars out of 10.”
Student: I like the way you look today.
Student: This is my favorite class this year.
Student: Are you on a diet?
Me: No. Why?
Student: Cause in your high school yearbook picutre you look kinda big.
Student (totally seriously): How do you spell fabulicious?
Me: You only wrote a third of a page in 45 minutes?
Student: i got lost in the dictionary.
Student 1: You look like Natalie Portman!
Student 2: No she doesn’t! She looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt!
(I was having an ugly day, too!)
At a gas station near school.
Student: miss?!?!?!? what are YOU doing here??
Me: Um…getting gas…
Student’s reading journal: And athena convinced telamachus to go find his dad and i was like DAAAAYYYUUM!
The assignment was to write 5 potential test questions from the poetry unit and to include the answer.
Student response: Can you attract girls with poetry? Yes.
From a student’s letter to my future students: You know she’s made because she makes sarcastic smiles.
Student: Miss, do you do triathalons?
Student: Don’t get krunk with me or i’ll get krunk with you!
One of my students kept talking about going to “books and novels”. Took a long time to realize he meant Barnes and Noble.
Student: Miss, you make this class so boring!
Me: ….it’s study hall.
Student: The only book on the list I am interested in is Wuthering Heights and I am only interested in it because they talk about it in Twilight.
Student essay on Romeo and Juliet: Well, this play starts out with two rivals having a gun fight at the gas station.
Student: Are you pregnant? You’re getting a tummy.
Me: I did not say it’s time to go!
Student: You just did!
Did you make it all the way through this insanity? If so, here’s a reward! Buy one get one free at Chipotle with a teacher ID! So take out your closest teacher friend and show some appreciation! Or if you are a teacher, guilt trip somebody into taking you!